There will come a time when our parents will need our care. It may come suddenly, or it may happen that something that has not been called caregiving gradually becomes what is called caregiving. The beginning and the way to care for parent are truly as varied as each individual.
Although we all know that our own lives are limited, and that our parents’ lives are limited as well, it is difficult to accept those facts and prepare for our death that will eventually come. ”When is the time to accept these things？”, ”Should we accept the limitation of our lives and live with them or not?”, “Should we prepare for our death or not?”, and many other questions arise. There are many different ways of thinking about these things, and I myself do not have a clear answer to these questions. In the meantime, from my perspective as a child, I would like to share three things that I feel are good for families to share among them in order to prepare for the last moment.
~About Graves~
First, about the grave. When we were talking about something as a family, my father said to me, “My bones should be put in the XX communal graveyard.” My father’s family home was far from where my family lived, and a grave containing the bones of his parents had already been built right next to his family home, so when I asked, “Do you not need to be buried in that grave?” he replied, “I don’t want to be buried there. Be sure to put me in the XX communal graveyard. You don’t also need to build a new grave.” I could sense my father’s strong will from his words, so I replied, “I understand.” As the conversation went on, I asked my mother, “What about you?” She only seemed to be thinking about something, saying, “I wonder what I want…,” so I remember telling her something like, “Tell me if you have any hopes.” Then, one day after some time had passed, my mother said to me, “Please scatter my bones in the sea.” I think I asked her which sea she wanted, but now I only remember saying, “Okay.”
Although my parents were already elderly when we talked about these things, their cognitive abilities were still intact. I felt their clear awareness about the mortality in their words that I had never felt before, and I still remember how it made me think about parting with my parents. In this way, our family shared the requests regarding the grave.
If we had not shared the requests or if we had shared the requests when their cognitive abilities had already declined, and all the decisions had been left to me, I think that no matter what decision I made, I would have lived the rest of my life with a vague feeling of restlessness somewhere in my heart. This is because, even now, after I have interred my parents’ ashes as they requested, I sometimes wonder if I should have built a grave where they could spend time alone together.
Looking back, I think my parents knew that I would think like that, which is why they told me their requests about their grave at a time when they were able to communicate properly with me. After all, they had both experienced the loss of their parents long before I did.
Continued in Care for Parent ② ~Sharing requests about life-prolonging treatment~
Wish you beautiful days!
from Japan
It would be greatly appreciated if you could support me from the button “Buy Me a Coffee” below my profile.
こんにちは。
Wall Egg and Seeds というサイト名は、ある日本の作家が海外で行ったスピーチで「Wall(壁）」と「Egg(卵)」という言葉を用いて強大な権力と弱者との関係を表現をしたことをヒントにして、それらの言葉と「Seeds(種)」を組み合わせたものです。
私にとって、「壁」は民主主義を無視する強大な権力です。「卵」は民主主義の名のもとに民主主義を勝ち取り、守ろうとする個人です。
多くの人たちは「壁」にぶつかったところで「卵」は割れるばかりで「壁」はびくともしないと感じていて、「壁」の側に立つ人たちが多く存在する一方で、「卵」の側に立とうとする人はどんどん減っているように見えます。このままでは、本当の民主主義は、実現するどころか、ただの理想論としてどこかに追いやられてしまうような気がしてなりません。
多くの大人たちが民主主義について口をつぐむようになってしまったた今、一人でも多くの人たちが民主主義の大切さについて考え、その実現のための一歩を踏み出すきっかけの一つとなることを期待して、「Wall Egg and Seeds」を開設しました。つたない文章ですが、よろしくお願いします。
「Wall Egg and Seeds」が公平な社会の実現の「種」になることを祈って。
☆☆☆
Hello,
The name of this site, Wall Egg and Seeds, was inspired by a speech that a Japanese writer gave abroad in which he used the words “Wall” and “Egg” to describe the relationship between the powerful and the weak, and I combined these words with “Seeds”.
For me, the “wall” is the mighty power that denies democracy. The “egg” is the individual who tries to win and protect democracy in the name of democracy.
Most people feel that when “egg” hit the “wall,” she or he just breaks and the “wall” doesn’t take damage , and while there are many people who stand on the side of the “wall,” the number of people who try to stand on the side of the “egg” seems to be seriously decreasing. If this situation continues, I cannot help but feel that true democracy, far from being realized, but will be relegated somewhere as mere idealism.
Now that many adults have become silent about democracy, I have started “Wall Egg and Seeds” in the hope that it will be an opportunity for as many people as possible to think about the importance of democracy and take a step towards realizing it. I am not very good at writing, but thank you for reading.
May “Wall Egg and Seeds” be a “seed” for the realization of a fair world!
コメント